Dining strategies in restaurants and social settings: Advance planning is key

Eating at restaurants, on holidays, or at social events can erode your physical and mental health.

Many people are able to successfully plan their meals and control the size of their food portions, but struggle when eating outside the home. Besides dining in restaurants, Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, farewell parties, Jewish Bar Mitzvahs, Patronus holidays, weddings, and other celebrations can be particularly difficult because it's hard to control what you eat, how much you eat, and the eating environment.

These situations are detrimental to your food control plan. Generally, eating and drinking are also important parts of the meeting agenda. After all, can you go without turkey for Thanksgiving or a birthday party without cake? Everyone around you is feasting, and if you don't participate at all, you might feel like you're missing out on the atmosphere or that you might spoil the fun for others. Add to that the atmosphere that encourages overeating and the stimulation of a little alcohol, and no matter how well you plan, you'll end up eating too much.

While dining out can be challenging, it's not insurmountable. The basic principle is that while you can't control the environment of a restaurant or gathering, you can reduce temptations if you plan ahead. Telling your spouse or partner what you plan to eat and what you don't before going to a restaurant or social occasion can also increase your resolve. Additionally:

If you're going to a fast food restaurant, check out fatcalories.com before you go. Hosted by The Fast Food Nutrition Fact Explorer, it reveals the nutritional composition of products from world-renowned fast food companies, so you can be informed before ordering.

Avoid restaurants that offer buffets, serve mostly fried food, or do not allow menu changes or modifications.

When dining with companions, consider ordering two salads and one main course, and then divide the main course into two portions yourself.

Before you start eating, ask the waiter for a takeaway bag, divide the food into two portions, keep one portion for yourself, and take the other portion home.

Ask the waiter to take the bread away.

Be careful with salads. Vegetables are low-density foods, but dressings, croutons (fried or toasted pieces of bread used as a garnish for soups or dishes), and cheese in salads are not. Don't order croutons. When ordering, ask that the dressing be placed on a portion of the dish, and when taking your food, dip your fork into the dressing.

Dinner parties, holiday celebrations, and other social occasions are similarly difficult to manage. Try the following suggestions to maintain your weight control.

When attending a cocktail party, carry a glass of soda. If you feel awkward or uncomfortable eating small portions of cold cuts, just sip your water and skip the cold cuts.

When having a family gathering, stay in the room with the least amount of food, with your back to the table where the food is placed.

Plan ahead and prepare for social pressure. Who will try to persuade you to have a second serving, and how will you respond?

Finally, the most obvious but often overlooked way to prevent overeating in restaurants and social settings is to eat less at your next meal. For those with a typical dieting mentality, overeating at a party can create a mindset of, "Oh well, I've already messed up," providing an excuse to eat even more. Those with physical intelligence, however, will realize that although they overate this time, they won't eat that much next time. For example, if you eat a large lunch, a small dinner or a small meal before bed is sufficient.

Eating is your own business; don't let others influence you.

Most dieting methods tell you what you should and shouldn't eat, as if your eating happens in a vacuum. In the real world, you're likely eating with other people most of the time. Even when you eat alone, friends and family will comment on your eating and weight ("Wow, you've lost weight!") and offer opinions ("You shouldn't wear that dress; it makes you look fat"). It's not surprising that what others eat can influence you, and your perception of your weight loss efforts will also be affected by others.

Think back to your past diets. Did other people directly influence your eating? Or have you ever felt you were receiving all sorts of messages from others? Your spouse, friends, or parents often seemed supportive, helpful, and remembered the promises you made while dieting, but their subsequent actions clearly didn't support you. Consider the following examples.

Suzanner, 38, is a mother of three boys. Her husband, Jeff, works for the local utility company in a physically demanding job. While Jeff was happy that she participated in the weight loss program, none of the men in the house were pleased when Suzanner prepared low-fat meals or went shopping without buying her usual snacks like cookies, ice cream, and potato chips. The frequent complaints and disappointed looks made Suzanner feel guilty, so after three weeks, she reverted to her usual shopping and eating habits and left the program.

Sisters Erica and Donna, both in their early thirties, were married with children and weighed 25-30 pounds overweight. When they talked together or on the phone, the conversation often revolved around the latest diets they were trying, low-carb or low-calorie recipes, the inevitable attempts to avoid dieting, and their almost daily weight comparisons. Although they had been dieting for years, with little success, they typically lost 5-10 pounds, only to quickly regain them. Later, Erica joined an aerobics and dance class three times a week, which she enjoyed and wanted Donna to join as well, but without success. Several months later, Erica remained enthusiastic about the class and maintained her 15-pound weight loss. However, she noticed that Donna often called her the "Queen of the Gym" at family gatherings and frequently made sarcastic comments about her when the topic of weight or exercise came up.

Frank and Marjorie are a couple in their 40s who were overweight when they married 18 years ago. Frank frequently expressed his disappointment in Marjorie, and despite her dieting and his help reminding her to stick to it, Marjorie's weight loss efforts were never successful. After a few weeks of participating in a hospital program I mentored, she lost 10 pounds, crossing the weight threshold that usually left her feeling disappointed. Frank began complaining that Marjorie attended too many meetings and fitness classes, started bringing her home chocolates, and at least once encouraged her to have a second serving when they had dinner at a friend's house.

These three examples illustrate an often-overlooked truth about weight loss: if you've been overweight for some time, your new eating and exercise habits may be difficult for others to adapt to, and they may feel uncomfortable with your subsequent weight loss. Of course, they usually don't mean any harm; your spouse, family, and friends may genuinely want you to be the best, but they might be alarmed by your changes.